For Roslyn

Last Friday, one of my professors from college passed away. As I write this, I’m not even sure what the cause of death is, and maybe that’s the point. Not how she died, but how she lived. She had a profound effect on me.  A week ago I may have not committed to this thirty day writing challenge, but with Rosyln’s passing, I am acutely aware that time is a ’wasting and I can just see the smile on her face as I begin this first essay.  Her commitment to love as an action and a loving community is what inspired me to jump in head first with this challenge.  Maybe you don’t see a connection between a loving community and a writing challenge, but you will.

Roslyn taught many classes, but one of the two that I took was a class all based around the writing of bell hooks. Wait, stop! I hear you grammar folks shouting at me now. However, I didn’t capitalize her name for a reason. Born Gloria Jean Watkins, she began to write under the name of bell hooks. This was her grandmother’s name, and so she chose to distinguish the two of them by leaving her version in all lower case. As she put it, she put the name in lowercase letters "to distinguish [herself from] her grandmother". She says that while it may be unconventional, it was meant to focus the attention on her work rather than who she is, substance of material over the writer herself. She is a feminist, writer, cultural critic, teacher and much more. And her belief in love as an action and not just a passive feeling is what Roslyn based her class around.

You see, Roslyn believed deeply in this definition of love and the power and change that can come from a truly beloved community. Maybe it sounds too hippy dippy for you, but for me, it resonated deeply within my soul. We discussed love on every level; family, friends and romantic love. We discussed how our society teaches men and boys to be so tough that they don’t know how to love themselves or anyone else in a truly connected way. We read beautiful books, did the horrid group presentation thing, and learned that colluding with popular culture can be OK, but awareness and critical analysis are needed, we cannot just be a passive observer. I was overjoyed to learn that Roslyn loved to watch Alyssa Milano kick ass in Charmed just as much as I did, but acknowledged that while strong female lead characters in the media are an excellent thing, they use violence every week to solve their problems. Love as an action doesn’t look to violence as an answer, ever.

Roslyn also believed in the power of meditation to transform our lives and our souls. There was a time a few years back when I was going through a divorce and feeling very lost in the world. I felt alone and was scared to face the world alone after so many years in a relationship. One night in particular, I was feeling especially hopeless when Roslyn and another friend, Marlene, showed up at my house. They were not going to leave until I was calm and feeling like I could face another day. I was crazed that night, frantic with anxiety and unable to get a handle on my emotions. These two amazing women, who had insanely busy lives, came to my house and helped me focus on my breathing and talked me down. They wanted me to see that I was not alone. That this is what beloved community was about. Times of need, people pulling together and helping one another, not for glory or fame, but because love as an action commands it.

Love as action is demanding. You cannot sit back on your laurels and expect love to magically pour itself on to you. You have to work at it, have compassion and empathy, be fearless and remember that we are all humans at our core who just want to be loved and validated. Love as an action is a conscious choice to love rather than be ambivalent, even when it’s not easy.

So what does bell hooks, Roslyn my professor, all this talk about love as an action and writing this essay have to do with one another? I learned this definition of love from bell hooks, through Roslyn. This definition requires me to not sit idly by when a challenge is presented. A challenge that brings people together through the written word, encourages me to do something I love to do any way, and provides me with an opportunity to honor Roslyn. Love as an action insists that I write these words, and I shall heed the call.

For Roslyn

May the love you showed the world be a mere glimmer of the love you feel wherever you are now my dear friend.