The cigarette is almost done. Desperately Todd uses his
nails to hold the butt and pull one more drag deep into his lungs. The fly
settles on his boot. It does its little hop thing, searching for whatever a fly
finds interesting. “Fitting” Todd thinks “Flies are always attracted to the
dead.”
Todd remembers the decayed rabbit he found when he was
little. How the flies were all over it, the smell. He remembers how his Dad
mocked him for crying and gagging. “Man up Boy!” he’d yelled, smacking Todd on
the head. He had been 7 years old. They were on a hunting trip and everyone had
teased him the rest of the weekend.
In 6th grade he got his first crush. Everyone had
thought it was Megan Chandler. He was always at her house. He let her hold his
hand. She was his first kiss. What no one knew was that his crush was on her 8th
grade brother Derrick.
During high school youth group, he had noticed the sideways
stares of Andrew Lockwood. How when he was trying to sneak a peek at Andrew,
Andrew was frequently looking back at him. Making eye contact, shy but
desperate, and then turning away. They became hiking buddies on the outings.
Shared a tent on the campout. Todd’s whole world changed. Shame and rage and
joy and lust. Life surged through him. Emotions ran him over, leaving him flat
and heaving, trying to figure out where he was going.
His little brother’s discovery of him kissing Andrew in the
garage. They were working on his bike. It was supposed to be a private space,
just for a minute. Todd could still feel his Dads fist marks on his back. His
jaw was sore. The jean jacket he had been wearing didn’t feel warm enough to
keep the wind out.
The cigarette was done. Not one more puff to sooth him. Time
to move on. Todd thought about his brother, home warm in bed. About how earlier
that day he had a family. Now he had no one. Just like that, they were done
with him.
Standing up, Todd brushed off his jeans. Trying to look
respectable he stuck his thumb out and started walking. There was nothing left
for him in his small home town. No home to go to. His eyes sought out the
highway sign. Looking for direction. Looking for hope.
No comments:
Post a Comment